Heard a noise outside and stirred.
Sunlight poured through cracked window shade.
mmmm Morning.
“Thank you God” again for waking me in my “right mind”…I can move my limbs, my loved one is right beside me.
“Thank you Lord”.
I feel pain, dull aching pain in my left leg.
I have chronic pain from a groin injury 3 years ago. Seems I had a bolus of testosterone in the gym one day, surprised my body with it’s own limitation. Now pain is a constant uninvited companion. Everyday, every waking moment, I have pain. Sometimes it’s worse than others, but it hurts all the time.
I can mask the pain, make the symptoms go away temporarily, but always it returns and sometimes with a vengeance.
As I worked today I began to think of all the people who suffer every day with pain. Some have pain in their bodies, arms, legs, trunks. Some have pain in their minds; depression, paranoia, mood disorders. Almost all of us have some degree of chronic pain in our hearts. Past hurts, unforgiveness, perhaps bitterness, maybe relationship challenges and failures. Miscellaneous residue we’ve chronically carried for years, but have hidden for so long, even we have forgotten it was there or how it got there. It’s masked, hidden, unapproachable and unseen.
I thought about God’s heart. I believe he hurts too. He hurts from us. From our inability to come away from the madness and sit with Him, even for a few moments. His heart pain comes from our lack of desire for Him and his things; our choice of settling for mediocrity when we could have excellence from his hand. I think God hurts from our feigned independence. I say feigned because when we really get “into the mess” then we call on him with all that’s in us in hope his forgiving nature is as strong as his forgetfulness of our past behavior.
Still, he hurts.
Chronically? “Lord, how long will you put up with our shortsightedness, and self-indulgent ways?” Please forgive me for hurting you, if not intentionally, at least by putting my agenda ahead of yours. Please prick our hearts to feel your pain and respond to what hurts you. Help us be more sensitive to your leading Spirit. Help us to forgive more freely and love more completely and to dispel every falsehood established in the depth of our lives.
2Ch 7:14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.
Seeing Jesus more clearly
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