Everywhere I go on the bike these days I come up against roadworks. Everywhere I meet temporary traffic lights, lines of orange cones and yellow diversion signs, and it’s got me thinking about a career change. You see, I want to be the man responsible for road closures and diversions.
I want to start small. My first three diversion systems will:
1. Send two lots of traffic from different directions into the same stretch of single-carriageway road from opposite ends.
2. Send all diverted traffic into a supermarket car park. Preferably one that already has it’s own idiotic and arcane one-way system.
3. Send all traffic along a one way diversion round various streets that ends up bringing them right back to where they started at the roadworks.
Tell me that wouldn’t be fun to watch on the monitors.
The next step would be to see if I can get diverted traffic:
1. So far from the roadworks they have entered a different county before they’re sent back to their destination.
2. From 5 different sets of roadworks into the same road as part of the diversion, where they will need to filter in. Then at the end of the single stretch, separate them out again but not make it clear which diversion goes where.
3. See if I can get a single vehicle to touch both the East and West coast of northern England during one single diversion.
I’m nothing if not ambitious.
Heh heh heh.
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